5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
