so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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