I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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