Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize