I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone came in the potted fern
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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