Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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