Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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