So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
