Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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