do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
