Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
