you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
