We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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