Got a toothbrush?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
