he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
