I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize