you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
