My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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