I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
