I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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