We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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