why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
