I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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