he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
