Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
