Soap is not a condiment
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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