i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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