dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
