so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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