anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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