yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
