And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
