how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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