There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
