I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
