Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
