rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
