I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
