try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize