Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this is an emotional support booty call
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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