Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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