I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
