Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
