is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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