I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
