I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
