Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
one might say we're banned from that church
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
