hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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