Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize