I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
