I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
