guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
