how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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