she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
