In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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