i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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