i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
