Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
