how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
