so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
