Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
