I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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