I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
