remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
