guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
