I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
